20-Somethings Blog

I am really just so incredibly and sincerely happy for Krystal and Brad and their journey. God's hand is truly at work in their lives. Krystal writes about something that is all to familiar to most. A change of plans, a route that you never expected to take. But although that road my be tough, at the end of it you find yourself walking in a great purpose. 
You can find Krystal and Brad blogging at http://www.krystalandbrad.blogspot.com/

"You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail." -Proverbs 19:21

We think we can plan out our lives, and to some degree God lets us help, but it is God who is in control and it is Christ who purposes our lives to unfold the way that they do; blooming into a fragrant flower to give praise and glory to God. We are to be like Jesus. He did and encourages us to, "live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." -Ephesians 5:2.

My whole life, my greatest desire, has been to be a wife and mother. No other roles would fulfill me like these and I had no other passion than to serve a husband and a family from early on. Everything I did was based on these desires that the Lord had instilled in me. Even my college degree was geared toward helping myself be a better wife and mother one day. I met my husband when I was 18 in college and we soon became best friends who fell into like...and then in love. We knew very early on in the dating process that we wanted to be married. This man loved Jesus and lived for him and he loved me so sweetly. There wasn't a doubt in my mind he was the man God had given for me to marry! So meeting my husband at such an early age, I naturally started planning my life out. I'd be married fairly young. I'd have children fairly young. I wanted most, if not all of my 3-4 children to be born before I was 30 years old. That didn't seem unrealistic seeing as how I'd been with my husband so young age. Well, the dream wedding and husband I so desired was gifted to me by God and I thank Him everyday. We didn't start trying for children until 2010 when we'd been married for almost 2 years. I thought we'd start popping out babies fairly soon and had no reason to believe otherwise. If I had my way, we'd have had several children by now, but God had another plan. "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD." -Isaiah 55:8.

At first, month after month of negative news was hard to swallow. I'd get sulk over my circumstance of not being able to get pregnant. I was confused at God for allowing this to happen. Didn't He tell me to "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28)? Didn't He promise me in Psalm 37:4 to "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."? I DID delight in Christ! He is my life! So why wasn't I getting this desire of my heart? After months of this, I decided to see my OB/GYN about this struggle my husband and I were facing. Nothing could be found wrong with us that would prevent a pregnancy, and yet I was not getting pregnant. But then on sweet day a little over a year of trying, I got pregnant! We were thrilled! But then April of 2011 I miscarried our precious, long-awaited baby. This wasn't as devastating for us as it "should" have been and I can only say that it was like this because of Jesus Christ and His peace which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7). At this point, I'd been slowly loosening my grip on this passion and desire of mine I'd held onto for so long. I'd never in my life had to trust in Jesus and draw as close to Him as I had to because of my struggle. His Holy Spirit was beginning to mold me into His likeness, as I let Him and released my control. I clung to his promises in Romans 8:28 that He causes all things to work together for my good, because I love Him, and in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has great plans for me, plans not to harm me but to prosper me, and give me a hope and a future.

When we released our perceived control, He was able to take control. My life is not where I thought it would be, especially this month of April; a year after the loss of my baby. And I haven't been able to get pregnant since, even with fertility treatments we've sought out. But you know what? THAT IS OKAY! I'm at a place because of Jesus where I am no longer focused on what "I" want or what "others" have. Or what "I" lack. I am focused on the gifts God has blessed me with and what "HE" wants. Our focus should never be so lost in ourselves that we lose sight of our Jesus and HIS WILL. Because of this trial that has taken our life down a path that was not something we'd have chosen at first for ourselves, God has presented us with an incredible blessing; we are training to become foster parents! We've wanted to take part in this ministry even before we got married, but we figured it would be after our own brood of little ones and when we were a little older. But this is where we need to be right now and I can't help but think that if I was pregnant or had a baby, we wouldn't be fostering. And perhaps the only reason for God delaying us having our own children and teaching us to let go of that is so that we can be available to receive an even greater blessing of caring for a hurting child and share Jesus' love with him and his parents. There is a specific child God wants us to have in our home and because of that and all the lessons I've learned through this trail, I would not change a thing! God does know best and His way is perfect!

I've also discovered that God instills desires in us for two reasons. One is to fulfill them so we can glorify Jesus. The other is to see if we might release that desire to God. To sacrifice our will for the Father's and align our heart with His, thereby opening ourselves to receive another blessing, which will show devotion to Him and also glorify Jesus. You might not know which of these you'll be called to, but either one is a beautiful blessing and points to Jesus.

No, I did not think my life would be where it is today. My dream was to have many children running around my feet by now! But this dream has since been transformed into what Christ dreams for my life. That is to be more like Jesus, closer to Him, closer my husband, and available to take in abused children. Because of this, God has done miraculous things! I am more in love with my husband and have such a strong bond with him. I've learned another passion of mine is godly marriage. I've been able to let the Spirit shape me into Jesus more than I ever was and can lead a group of girls and public speak (something I NEVER would have thought I'd do in a million years!). I truly seek more of Him and less of me. But most importantly, this is the best way God can use my life to glorify Him. Of all reasons, this makes my struggle worth it! If Christ can be glorified (and He WILL and HAS!) by how my life unfolds, then I will take this path over any other. And I've found out something during this journey - God HAS given me the desires of my heart! My deepest and truest desire is for my LORD! That is the whole point of my life. His promise to give us our desires is so trustworthy! I have my indescribable Jesus in my heart and the best husband in the world by my side. I have all I need, even if I don't have all that I "want". For I want nothing more than more of Jesus and His name proclaimed. Christ plus nothing equals everything. It is an honor to have this life God controls; to use it to declare His name, not mine. It is all about our King, so bloom where you are planted. Don't wait until you are where YOU want to be planted or you may never grow and fulfill your true purpose.

Not having what you want isn't so painful when start wanting what Jesus wants.