20-Somethings Blog

Ahhh, okay let me say it again Ahhh! I am really excited to share this post because it gives amazing advice from a beautiful couple Branden and Katie. And I must say the story of how they met is pretty  cute. I've already changed my perspective on dating a little bit from this post. It shows that doing it the right way, can really present a God honoring marriage. 
You can find Branden blogging at Brandencampbell.com  and Katie at http://katiecampbellphoto.com/blog/

Learning to date well.
By Branden & Katie Campbell

It was spring of 2003. I (Branden) was getting baptized by my young life leaders and they invited a bunch of people to watch me get baptized. One of those girls was a girl named Katie. Let me tell you, I thought she was smokin’ hot, but I knew I had no chance. After the baptism we went to Applebees. At Applebees my leaders invited me over to their table and said, “Branden, we know a girl who doesn’t have a date for Prom and we know you are single, would you want to take her.” I was looking at the girls at the table. I began praying, “Please Jesus be Katie, she is sooo hot.” Sure enough it was. Not to seem too excited I said, “I would love to take you prom.” Inside I was screaming!

I (Katie) am not going to lie, the moment was awkward. We all stood up to leave and Branden asked me for my number. Honestly, I was not interested in being someone’s pity date so I said, “No, I don’t give guys my number.” ☺ I know, I may have been a little harsh but I was so embarrassed. Well after a month went by I finally gave in and decided to have him as my date. After prom was over I couldn’t believe how much fun we actually had together. I really enjoyed Branden’s personality and shortly after I was soon dating my first (and only) boyfriend. Yes, Branden was the only guy I ever dated and I wouldn’t have had it any other way ☺

Shortly after we made it official Katie came to me and said, “I was praying and reading my bible the other day and I really feel like God is asking us not to kiss.” Instantly my heart drops through my chest. “really?” I ask. “Yes, maybe we should take the week to pray about it and really see.” She said. So, I ‘prayed.’ We came back together and of course the question came up, “So what do you think?” In a moment of spiritual awesomeness I said, “Oh, I for sure think God wants us to kiss.” Well, she didn’t get that same sense as I did. Perplexed she said, “Well, I don’t get why he would give us different messages.” Inside, I knew I didn’t actually pray about it, I just wanted to lay one on my hot new girlfriend. However, I acquiesced and made the promise to her and God. We had no set time when we would kiss, we just knew it wasn’t yet.

Looking back on this story after 9 years we have learned a few things. We have learned how dating well sets up your marriage for success.

We didn’t do everything right, but by the grace of God we had a solid Christ-centered dating relationship and looking back we truly have no regrets. Here are a few tips we learned during the time of our dating relationship that helped.
1. Christ HAS to be the center. Not just a part of your life you experience once a week. The most intimate part of your life has be your relationship with Jesus, if you cannot or do not share that with your boyfriend/girlfriend it is never going to the type of relationship you deserve/want. We spent every afternoon going through the Purpose Drive Life together. It was a time of great spiritual growth for both of us and ultimately drove us closer and closer together.
2. Avoid a physical relationship at all cost (1 Corinthians 6:18). Now we know when the minute you read this some of you wince at the concept, but hear us out. We are not saying don’t hold hands, cuddle, hug, or whatever, we’re just saying avoid kissing and beyond. Why? It’s pretty simple, the moment that enters into your relationship the relationship becomes about that. Is it ok to kiss? Absolutely. We kissed after waiting nine months and it was awesome. We drew boundaries around our physical relationship and it was fine. We just think to start your relationship off right, avoid it for a while. When it comes to sex or ‘fooling around,’ we say run from that as far and as fast as you can. There is a level of intimacy there that you DO NOT want to dive into until you are married. Trust God and us on this one. The most rewarding and fulfilling thing is to be able to stand there on the day of your wedding and say you waited. Inevitably the question comes up, “what if I have already messed up?” Great question, because this was also my (Branden’s) reality when I met Katie. It takes healing but that’s what the cross is all about--forgiveness. Paul says, “Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation.” You are a new creation. Start fresh with this relationship and wait.
3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. We can’t say this enough. Before you ever get married you better know every intimate detail about that person. You better know their family life, background, past relationship stuff, and every little thing that could matter. We know that in society it is taboo to talk about past relationship stuff but come on, if we are going to have Christ-centered flourishing marriages there cannot be secrets. So, talk it out. When you get done, talk some more.
4. Listen to wisdom and watch for red flags. If everyone is telling you he or she is a bum they are probably right, not you. If everyone is telling you to break up, they are probably right. If you see massive red flags but are convinced he/she will change, they won’t—you should break up. One of the biggest mistakes we see couples make over and over is this one right here. The signs are screaming in all directions but in our love-blindness we miss the signs. Find some trustworthy mentors that can speak into that place in your life and fully welcome it.
5. Date with purpose. If you cannot see yourself marrying this person, then do not date. If there are too many things that would hinder you from marrying them then why waste your time or theirs? Break up and find someone you can marry. Take dating seriously- it is the trailer to the movie of your marriage. Also just as a side note if you have been together for 2 years and you still aren’t sure, that is a huge red flag that something is wrong. And ladies, if your man is not willing to commit to marry you after an extended period of time there is something seriously wrong. Break up with him now. Either it will help him get his act together or you will find someone better.
6. Don’t isolate yourselves from the world. Live in community as individuals and as a dating couple. It is not healthy to drop all friendships when you start dating. Hang out with your guy friends/girl friends and don’t abandon your family. They are the ones that will be with you always.
7. Guard your heart above all else it determines the course of your life (Proverb 4:23). We know it looks like this contradicts what we say in point 3 but it doesn’t at all. You DO need to know everything about the person you are dating but your life story does not need to come out like a fire hose. Guard your heart. Get to know one another naturally. Trust is earned not guaranteed. Protect your heart that don’t give it away to every person who walks into your life
8. Have fun and become best friends. This is one that is extremely important. We believe that becoming best friends is the single best thing you can do for your relationship. Best friends have fun, laugh, and enjoy one another. Spend your time dating enjoying one another!

I hope this is encouraging to you. Katie and I pride ourselves on dating well. It was certainly more her than me, but we fought hard in our relationship to remain pure, keep Christ the center, talk about everything, listen to wisdom, and date with purpose.