What I've learned from being Single


First I just want to thank all of those who shared their hearts for this month of February. I have been so blessed and encouraged by your stories. And I am thankful as well to have the opportunity to share a little bit of what I have been learning throughout my life. I hope it is a blessing to someone as I share what I have been learning as a single gal :)


Okay, so I admit. I meant to write this post about two weeks ago,but somehow couldn't bring myself to it. I just had no idea where to start this post or even what I wanted to say. The topic of singleness is one that I am very familiar with. Being single for 22 years, I guess I know a thing or two about what it’s like.
I guess about 2-3 years ago is when I really started getting concerned about this whole dating/marriage/singleness concept. I partly blamed it on me going to a private Christian college that had a huge emphasis on dating /marriage. I can tell you all of the quotes that we private Christian college folks say but I think I’ll spare you the mantra. Obviously it’s not the schools fault but it really opened my eyes to what I view as a very unhealthy view of singleness/dating/ marriage in the Christian Community.

In college I started to became that girl that would read all the dating/singles books, you name it ( Captivating, When God writes your love story,etc.) just trying to figure out a way to explain this stage of life for myself and hopefully for others.I think I thoroughly studied every book I could. But after a while of reading them, I realized there were still a lot of questions that I had that weren't getting answered. So I decided to look outside these books and seek biblical answers from the bible and from christian leaders. So, I decided to approach this post as me turning those questions I had into a post. So, keep in mind as I am answering these questions I am also speaking to myself . I'm not claiming to have all the answers. I am just writing about what I'm learning.
   
   1Is singleness a gift? 
           Yes, I do believe that the state of singleness is a gift. A gift that everyone has at one point in their lives. I don't think the gift is singleness in and of its self, it's the opportunity that you have because your single that should be seen as a gift.  I believe that singleness is a gift because it gives many the opportunity to be completely devoted to God and his purpose for you during this season with no distractions or attachments. Please take advantage of this time! Singleness as I often hear is not about us and doing whatever we want to do. It's about God. Use this time to actively serve others and to whole heartily serve God. Use this gift wisely, God wants to do some amazing work through you right now but if your so focused on relationships or yourself, you will miss these opportunities and others will have missed the opportunity to be blessed by you.
   
     But I think it’s also important to remember that our circumstances do not define us. Single or Married that is not your identity. Your identity is and always will be in Jesus Christ. So, single or married that should never change the way you view yourself and it especially does not change the way God views you.
     
         2.I know I'm suppossed to trust the Lord, but a lot ot times it's really hard
  Singleness is a struggle(for some). And I think a lot of churches fail to address the emotional toll it can have on an individual. Instead of empathizing, expectations and cliche's get thrown at singles. But I think whats interesting is that a lot of times we forget that struggling is a good thing. Instead of enduring them, we look for ways or excuses to get out of them. Hardtimes and difficulties come because we love the Lord and the Lord love us(James 1:2-5). A lot of people struggle with singleness because they love the Lord and they don’t want to just settle for any guy or girl at the bar. They want to be in a relationship and eventually a marriage that is God honoring. And that is amazing, that’s great but that doesn’t neccesarrily mean that is will happen right away. But you can be assured, as it says in the bible that in our hard times , God is molding us to be more like him. And after all isn’t that ultimately what we want. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Singleness is a struggle not a curse . It's okay to feel sad some days, it's okay to tell God how you feel( he can handle it). Don't hold in your emotions and pretend that your okay on days you are feeling sad. Consult with people that you know will pray for you and take it to God and trust in him and his plans.

3. If God gives me the desires of my heart, why am I still single?
    Oh, I have heard this question many times and of course one I have asked myself. I’m sure Psalm 37:4  is  a verse that we have all heard. I think it’s an amazing verse that illustrates how much God loves and cares for us, but one that I feel has definitely been twisted around a bit. Instead of making this verse about God and our relationship with him. It's turned into making it about us and what God  owes us. I do believe that a lot of times people focus on the last half of this verse more so then the first part( which I feel is the most important(I myself included). “Take delight in the Lord” What does that mean? Find enjoyment in seeking the Lord, find enjoyment in his word, spend time with him, find yourself wanting to be more and more like him. I believe then our desires will slowly shift from what we what for ourselves to what God wants for us. And I believe then we will begin to live more fulfilling lives. We begin to walk in our purpose and live lives that aren't about us but that about God working through us to further his kingdom. It's amazing how many lives have and are changing because people are declaring to walk in their purpose. I challenge you to ask God what is it that he so desires for you to desire at this very moment in your life? I think when we start asking these types of questions our lives and our priorities begin to shift. 
     Also it's important to look at what it says before and after the verse. " Trust in the Lord...Commit your way to the Lord". When you feel that God has given you this desire in your heart, trust in him and that he will bring it to pass.

4. What do I do, now that my plans aren't what I though they would be?
     Okay, so I hear stuff like this all of the time and am guilty of doing my own planning as well. "So I will get married when I’m 24, then at 26 have 2.5 children" (Huh?)Okay I believe it’s good to dream and to plan. But when our plans have no room for God until we are 24 and we realize that’s not happening. Then we start to blame God for what we thought up in our head to happen I believe we have hit a problem. I think I might have missed that part in the bible where it says we get to choose when we get married. But I do remember it saying 21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails -Proverbs 19:21. When we give God our lives, we are saying God I trust you and I have faith that the plans you have for me are the best. So, what do you do now? Now that the plans you had didn't or haven't happened yet? I think it's important to count your blessings. Timing is the one thing that we can't control. Instead of when God when? Be thankful for now. Don't focus on what you don't have instead in times of trials and in the good times, God calls us to always be thankful. 


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Final Notes
1)      I believe marriage is a calling not a prize for only “good” people.I have never been married but I do know it is an amazing God honoring thing. But the thing is so is singleness. People who are  single should not be ashamed of that. Your just as good, just as important , just as beautiful as someone who is married. Take hold of that, own that, don’t be embarrassed, embrace it. I believe it hurts God so much when we begin to think less of ourselves. Please don't let your circumstances define you.

2)    I believe as Christians that God has laid out separate journeys for everyone. We all may end up in the same place but how we get there is different. Just because Joe Smo got married at 24 doesn’t mean you have to, your supposed to our your going to. Please, stop comparing your life/journey to everyone else. I know how hard this can be especially because of things like Facebook, instant texting and even sometimes pressure from family/friends. But follow the path that God has for you, because it’s the perfect one. It may not seem like it sometimes but when you look back at your life I believe you will see just how much God truly cares for you and how he has been protecting you this whole time. Be obedient in your season and above all your number 1 priority(whether married or single) is to Pursue God in every season, in every moment


I believe Leslie Ludy said it best when she said When God said Abide in me...
        "He meant, “Find the meaning of life in Me.  Find your value and confidence in Me. Find your purpose and direction in Me. Find the source for all spiritual achievement in Me.  Find the strength to live each moment in Me.  Find the wisdom to navigate the many turns of life in Me. Find forgiveness from all your sins in Me.  Find the satisfaction of boundless joy in Me.  Find the most glorious peace in Me.  Find the most perfect love and acceptance in Me.  Find the most satisfying life for all eternity in Me.”  
-Zipporah

If you have any questions or suggestions feel free to comment

2 Responses so far.

  1. Krystal says:

    Yes! Such a lovely post, Zipporah! And you know from my email to you that I completely relate with this thought of life not happening how I thought, about not getting "MY" desires, trusting God, comparing, etc. Love that you shared your heart. And that it is rooted in the Word and full of truth and inspiration to all your readers.

  2. Absolutely Krystal!! I love how God teaches us the same things but in different ways :)

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