A "New Line" in Dating
Wow, I am so thankful Ashley for this post. Sometimes it's hard to figure out how to date in a Christian way. What does that mean? What does that look like? I think Ashley did such an amazing job pulling those questions together in a biblical way. After you read this I am sure you will want to know more and you can! Ashley runs a blog called verse 14 blog, a blog based off of Psalm 139:14. A amazing blog where she shares her heart and the things that God has been doing in her life. I really hope you enjoy this post as much as I did!
A “New Line” in Dating
I have been in the dating business for eleven years now and have gone on many dates, have had few too many “serious” boyfriends, and enough horror stories to be the designated entertainment at girls night out! It has been a long journey, and is still continuing. While I may not be married, I’m blessed that the Lord has allowed me to learn from my mistakes, rather than be married to my mistakes. Through this dating journey, I have gained wisdom and insight.
For starters, I have learned the art of foreshadowing!
If the guy you are dating looks at your shivering, goose bump filled body and says, “Id offer you my jacket, but it looks better on me.” (and he’s not kidding)….
Run!
If the dude excuses himself from your family function to go change into his muscle shirt and returns with his guitar in hand, only to proceed in awkward singing and unwanted serenading…
Run!
If your fella texts while at the dinner table with your family, enters your parents home with out acknowledging your folks, and doesn’t use his manners…
Run!
If Mr. Shady freaks out when you reach to hand him his phone…Don’t wait to find out that he has been receiving sexting messages from your friend…
Run!
If the guy you are dating tells you, you only look good with an inch of eye shadow plastered to your lids…lets doors slam in your face, rather than opening them for you, and he cleans his designer jeans by sticking them in the freezer…
Run!
Sadly, I admit these are ALL from personal experience. Totally giggle proof now, but gut wrenching to my parents and closest friends at the time. They seem like obvious reasons to “run”…but in the midst of dating, the blinders come on and justification becomes a favorite past time. My excuse for entering in each relationship with blinders and an unguarded heart was that I was under the assumption each of these fellas was whole-heartedly seeking to become more like Jesus. But after many failed attempts, let downs, and a broken heart I learned that, trying is lying and actions reign over words. I have learned not to trust the man because he is “seeking” Jesus, but rather, just trust Jesus.
All my failed attempts resemble this huge wall, “cracked and bulging, collapsing suddenly, and in an instant will break in pieces like pottery” (Isaiah 30:13-14) I’m not waiting in line for another failed attempt (or collapsing wall). I have decided to take a different approach with a new mind set. The line I’m choosing to stand in, may take longer and have fewer people in it…but what this line has and the other does not, is a life that reflects Gods Word and is fully in love with Jesus.
So what does this look like?...
For years, I have struggled with Gods guidelines for dating, as the word “dating” is not listed in the concordance of the Bible. But after seeking out His Word, God revealed that the principle and the heart behind “dating” is spelled out, all through out scripture. It is in God’s word that we learn who we are and what God commands of us. It has become clear what is expected of me, and what should be evident in a man who wants to pursue after my heart.
There are many verses, stories, and principles I could share, but for the sake of not writing a novel, I will share 4:
1). Do not trust your heart, for it “is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jer. 17:9) Instead, “trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” (Prov. 3:5) Almost every boyfriend I have dated has told me, they were going to marry me. Guess what?...I’m not married to any of them! At the time, I eagerly believed and trusted their false promises. Remember the crumbling wall scenario from Isaiah I listed above?…HAD I trusted in the Lord instead of trusting my heart and own understanding, I would not have landed face first in a pile of wreckage trying to piece back together my shattered heart from the promises of man. “Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23) No longer will I entrust the wellspring of my life to a human, but only to my Father in Heaven!
2). “ For I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart.” (Matt. 5:28) “ The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord…. You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your body” (1 Cor. 6:13, 20) I could list 50+ verses on this topic alone. God is serious when it comes to purity. Did you notice the first verse acknowledges the sin within the heart? I have learned, that a man who does not respect your purity and looks at you only with lust, will also have no regard for your heart. I was bought at a very high price, and no man can afford what I was paid for. Therefore, I will not accept a cheapened counter-offer; but only one who accepts the terms and commands given by my Lord.
3). I have learned to be watchful in the means of 1) money and 2) time. These are two of the most valuable resources the Lord has given. How a person spends both money and time says a lot about their character and gives insight into their heart. 1)“For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” (1 Tim 6:10) 2)“What has a man from all the toil and striving of his heart with which he toils beneath the sun? For all his days are full of sorrow, and his work is a vexation. Even in the night, his heart does not rest. This is also vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 2:22-23).
4). “You shall love the Lord your God with all heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Duet. 6:5) I believe when this last point is etched on ones soul, sought after with a whole heart, and evident in all actions; the previous points discussed above will naturally become a reality.
After reading this list, it is no wonder why the line I have chosen to stand in, has few people, and will produce patience in my life. I am not claiming to have mastered this list, but I am surrendering my will so that Christ might be sanctified in me. I believe that the man whom will one day be my groom will not have this list mastered either…but I do know he will be surrendered as well, and his life will reflect as such.
I will no longer have blinders on because the truth has set me free. “Gods love will cast out any fear” I might have, and he will continue to “perfect His love in me” (1 John 4:18) I will be so hidden in my Jesus’ arms, that any man who wants to seek me, must seek and find my Jesus first! I am faithful in knowing, that while pursuing hard after my Father in this new line, I will be given “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, He will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:7).
dying. love this post. love that i started off laughing and then ashley dove into scripture. LOVE that she didn't marry her mistakes. best to be single than unhappily married - luis palau. love ashley and her insight!!!
Yes! There is NOTHING wrong with this "line" you stand in, Ash! It is so RIGHT! Pursuing Christ when dating is crucial. Making sure that your future husband (as that is what dating is for) fears and follows the Lord is so important...and it might take some time to see it in action, for people say whatever they want, but it's the fruit that we need to see as evidence. Not words, like you said. RUN RUN RUN! From anyone that isn't putting Jesus first and treating you like a Princess, because you ARE the King's daughter! :)
Ahh I love this post! I love how the fourth point basicly sums it all up. When we get to the point where we soley seek after loving the Lord with all our heart, the rest we truly follow. I think sometimes we try to fix all the other things about ourselves, not realizing that it is truly God that can transform us. Clinging to God is the best thing we can ever do to transform our lives and it opens up for an epic love story and an epic life!